Read T.H.I.S. Before Quitting (Note to Self)
Hi there,
This post is originated during my jog at Golden Gate Park today, I initially posted my thought on my IG stories, then soon realized it's too wordy but I really wanted to document this process...
Not sure if you read them already, in case you haven't had a chance to do so, here's what I wrote:
#1 Words I wrote on my IG story today...
#2 More words...
You know... Whatever that you're working on now, be it a 9-5 job, a demanding career, a seemingly important yet humdrum errand, a new adventure you're journeying on, a brave endeavor that nobody seems to notice yet or an edgy business idea that no one gets it... Seriously, it can be anything that you're investing your time and money in but not making an impact as you desire... Sometimes self-doubt stupidly takes charge and asks you to JUST QUIT.
I have tons of those moments. Trust me. For the past 3 years... The art label that I poured in sweats and blood but plan was halted; the travel start-up that I worked for 18 months was of little or no avail... Then two more business ideas that I proposed/ventured on but none of those worked out. Seeing each of every single project being aborted one after another was very bitter and upsetting... And each time, I wanted to quit. I wanted to just hide in my own cocoon and you know, just get by.
But my heart screams for something else. I think life means so much more than just being contented in my comfort zone. I want more, I want to contribute more, I want to give more... I didn't know what that I really wanted to do for the next 10 years at that time, so I took a break.
Well, not really a break. I went back to school. Ya, I didn't tell anymore except those that are super close with me. I went to study Paralegal cause I was contemplating if I should get a cert or a second master or a Phd (hopefully not)... Paralegal seems favorable because I always wish to learn about business law, especially intellectual property and cybersecurity. Getting a Paralegal cert will probably help me get a sense if Law School is really for me. After 4 classes, we have a global pandemic. I haven't heard from that school since, ya, they probably don't have the resources to react during this unprecedented time.
Anyway... God has a different idea I guess.
In February this year, aside from being a part-time student, I started my YouTube Channel: 偷時間聊天的Beverly My intention was to reconnect with my siblings (my sis), my families (cousins) and my good friends (especially my BFFS)... Being so far away from home all these years has caused so many damages and misunderstandings in some of my closest relationships, it broke my heart to realize I no longer share the same "language" with those that I love and adore... I don't understand and I was lost in my own culture; the rojak culture that I was once familiar and super proud of...
Fortunately, my good observation skill sparked an idea, which then turned into the birth of my YouTube Channel of course, most of my friends in Malaysia watch YouTube videos; it has become a platform for their daily dose of entertainment or search engine. Then I dive deeper to study the digital landscape of Malaysia and its future growth projection, the picture seems clearer and the determination grows stronger. Perhaps you might already know, there are 20 million UNIQUE YouTube users in Malaysia as of February 2018 with 40 million DAILY impressions. Wait, what? With a 32 million population?! No joke. So I joined the bandwagon; I'd highly suggest you act the same too. If I'm going to spend X amount of time recording, editing, and producing videos from midnight till sunrise, I need something bigger to grasp onto, at least able to provide a legit and solid answer to my inner self.
Anyway... Before straying too far away, I can go on and on with stats and data :p
As much as I wanted to constantly stay motivated or to push myself forward... I felt really discouraged yesterday. And that stupid voice hit me up again: JUST QUIT.
It’s so easy to quit, to just hide in our cocoon and feel safe in our comfort zone, especially when you are physically exhausted. I am a mom after all; I am always a mom first. But jeez... My laundry basket is mountain high, my closet yells for more storages, my reading goal with my kids is left unattended, the daily chores and never-ending tasks go on and on... I'm tired, or maybe as fancy as it sounds, Quarantine Fatigue.
Then suddenly I thought of my BFF that unexpectedly left this world three months ago... She didn’t give up till the last second of her life though she had more reasons to do so than anyone...
What grants me the privilege to quit then?
Then suddenly all the memories flashed back, back to my university time where I worked every semester break so that I can afford buying nice clothes to accessorize myself for the auditions at the local TV stations, NTV7, 8TV, and a dozen more independent production houses that I can't even recall...
All the uncountable rejections and "Nope, maybe next time," as cruel as it sounded, I never had any sad feeling because I knew I've given my best. It's just that "my best" had yet to meet their requirement, but each rejection I received basically meant I'm one step closer towards my goal. If there's a golden rule that never fails, I'd say life always rewards those who work hard.
This is the brutal truth that I learned through young age, through rounds and rounds of audition since I was in high school. In the final stage of every single audition or competition, you'll encounter the most talented and gifted souls, every one of them is as qualified as you hence you guys are in the same pool... What really makes you stand out is your last leap, it is not just your gift or talent, it is the extra hours and the ultra determination and the unbeatable desire that you're willing to put in on top of everything else. That determination and perseverance landed me a 2-year contract with a private production studio. Although I didn't choose to sign with them eventually (I almost did), it was a beautiful and rewarding journey 😊😊😊
Where there's a will there's a way. 我一直都是一個很努力的人。
So... Whenever I felt discouraged, I walked down that memory lane and talked to my old self. Hey Bev, you were one of the 13 selected artists out of 1000 plus candidates. You did it. Now you can too. It's the journey that matters.
That's it. That's my train of thought while I was jogging in the park today, ya, after 3 months and I finally have guts to do it. It feels sooooo good, the sense of normalcy (with masks of course) instantaneously comforts me.
#3 Ahhhhh... Life is good! Especially with a cute picture ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻
Thank you for reading! It's a lengthy and wordy one, but hey, don't you miss this? Heart to heart talk... Also, to whoever reading this now, thank you for holding the fort and tending this secret garden while I was taking such a long break.
Now I'm going to think about the next video that I'm going to make, hmm...
Love & kisses,
Bev
This post is originated during my jog at Golden Gate Park today, I initially posted my thought on my IG stories, then soon realized it's too wordy but I really wanted to document this process...
Not sure if you read them already, in case you haven't had a chance to do so, here's what I wrote:
#1 Words I wrote on my IG story today...
#2 More words...
You know... Whatever that you're working on now, be it a 9-5 job, a demanding career, a seemingly important yet humdrum errand, a new adventure you're journeying on, a brave endeavor that nobody seems to notice yet or an edgy business idea that no one gets it... Seriously, it can be anything that you're investing your time and money in but not making an impact as you desire... Sometimes self-doubt stupidly takes charge and asks you to JUST QUIT.
I have tons of those moments. Trust me. For the past 3 years... The art label that I poured in sweats and blood but plan was halted; the travel start-up that I worked for 18 months was of little or no avail... Then two more business ideas that I proposed/ventured on but none of those worked out. Seeing each of every single project being aborted one after another was very bitter and upsetting... And each time, I wanted to quit. I wanted to just hide in my own cocoon and you know, just get by.
But my heart screams for something else. I think life means so much more than just being contented in my comfort zone. I want more, I want to contribute more, I want to give more... I didn't know what that I really wanted to do for the next 10 years at that time, so I took a break.
Well, not really a break. I went back to school. Ya, I didn't tell anymore except those that are super close with me. I went to study Paralegal cause I was contemplating if I should get a cert or a second master or a Phd (hopefully not)... Paralegal seems favorable because I always wish to learn about business law, especially intellectual property and cybersecurity. Getting a Paralegal cert will probably help me get a sense if Law School is really for me. After 4 classes, we have a global pandemic. I haven't heard from that school since, ya, they probably don't have the resources to react during this unprecedented time.
Anyway... God has a different idea I guess.
In February this year, aside from being a part-time student, I started my YouTube Channel: 偷時間聊天的Beverly My intention was to reconnect with my siblings (my sis), my families (cousins) and my good friends (especially my BFFS)... Being so far away from home all these years has caused so many damages and misunderstandings in some of my closest relationships, it broke my heart to realize I no longer share the same "language" with those that I love and adore... I don't understand and I was lost in my own culture; the rojak culture that I was once familiar and super proud of...
Fortunately, my good observation skill sparked an idea, which then turned into the birth of my YouTube Channel of course, most of my friends in Malaysia watch YouTube videos; it has become a platform for their daily dose of entertainment or search engine. Then I dive deeper to study the digital landscape of Malaysia and its future growth projection, the picture seems clearer and the determination grows stronger. Perhaps you might already know, there are 20 million UNIQUE YouTube users in Malaysia as of February 2018 with 40 million DAILY impressions. Wait, what? With a 32 million population?! No joke. So I joined the bandwagon; I'd highly suggest you act the same too. If I'm going to spend X amount of time recording, editing, and producing videos from midnight till sunrise, I need something bigger to grasp onto, at least able to provide a legit and solid answer to my inner self.
Anyway... Before straying too far away, I can go on and on with stats and data :p
As much as I wanted to constantly stay motivated or to push myself forward... I felt really discouraged yesterday. And that stupid voice hit me up again: JUST QUIT.
It’s so easy to quit, to just hide in our cocoon and feel safe in our comfort zone, especially when you are physically exhausted. I am a mom after all; I am always a mom first. But jeez... My laundry basket is mountain high, my closet yells for more storages, my reading goal with my kids is left unattended, the daily chores and never-ending tasks go on and on... I'm tired, or maybe as fancy as it sounds, Quarantine Fatigue.
Then suddenly I thought of my BFF that unexpectedly left this world three months ago... She didn’t give up till the last second of her life though she had more reasons to do so than anyone...
What grants me the privilege to quit then?
Then suddenly all the memories flashed back, back to my university time where I worked every semester break so that I can afford buying nice clothes to accessorize myself for the auditions at the local TV stations, NTV7, 8TV, and a dozen more independent production houses that I can't even recall...
All the uncountable rejections and "Nope, maybe next time," as cruel as it sounded, I never had any sad feeling because I knew I've given my best. It's just that "my best" had yet to meet their requirement, but each rejection I received basically meant I'm one step closer towards my goal. If there's a golden rule that never fails, I'd say life always rewards those who work hard.
This is the brutal truth that I learned through young age, through rounds and rounds of audition since I was in high school. In the final stage of every single audition or competition, you'll encounter the most talented and gifted souls, every one of them is as qualified as you hence you guys are in the same pool... What really makes you stand out is your last leap, it is not just your gift or talent, it is the extra hours and the ultra determination and the unbeatable desire that you're willing to put in on top of everything else. That determination and perseverance landed me a 2-year contract with a private production studio. Although I didn't choose to sign with them eventually (I almost did), it was a beautiful and rewarding journey 😊😊😊
Where there's a will there's a way. 我一直都是一個很努力的人。
So... Whenever I felt discouraged, I walked down that memory lane and talked to my old self. Hey Bev, you were one of the 13 selected artists out of 1000 plus candidates. You did it. Now you can too. It's the journey that matters.
That's it. That's my train of thought while I was jogging in the park today, ya, after 3 months and I finally have guts to do it. It feels sooooo good, the sense of normalcy (with masks of course) instantaneously comforts me.
#3 Ahhhhh... Life is good! Especially with a cute picture ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻
Thank you for reading! It's a lengthy and wordy one, but hey, don't you miss this? Heart to heart talk... Also, to whoever reading this now, thank you for holding the fort and tending this secret garden while I was taking such a long break.
Now I'm going to think about the next video that I'm going to make, hmm...
Love & kisses,
Bev