The Prettiest Thing
I never want a baby. That was me, 6 years ago, one of those young, rebellious, ferocious 22-year-olds who's super paranoid about pregnancy and indeed never wanted children. I could never imagine myself getting pregnant or being a mum, those things are totally irrelevant to me. I even made that "No Baby" statement strong, crisp & clear among my families & friends. Predictably, all my caring friends attempted to persuade me to keep an open mind with a huge waves of life philosophies as well as personal opinions:
"Dear, you never know love until you have a baby." -- Choy Ling
"Bev, your time will come. Trust me." -- Marsha Campbell (Gosh, she's dang right!)
"Love is not just about loving yourself, but your family too." -- Anonymous (I think one of my besties said this, but I still don't see any correlation between having a baby = how much you love the family. You don't give birth simply because your mum or mother-in-law wants you to, do you?)
"Giving birth seems scary in the beginning but it's all worth while when you see the baby peacefully sleeping in your arms" -- Too many have said this to me; too many names to quote.
"I think it's because you don't love me enough to have a baby with me." -- Depressed Chean Wei Law (Aww... It's not that *sayang*)
"You can always adopt one. Many children need help and for almost every problem there are multiple solutions." -- Oliver Mun (My lovely sister's rational thoughts wowed me sometimes.)
I know they love me and they were trying to make me understand their point of views, but somehow, I just shut my ears, lock my heart and stick to my own decision. Come on, I was just 22.
My mum? She's super chilled, maybe because she knows me too well, she knows that no one can talk me into something if I myself do not want it at all. But Chean & his families were real upset about this, and then there were the endless nights and countless arguments between us. Serious fights. Cold wars. Hurtful words. Up to a point where we both get tired of the vicious cycle of this meaningless discussion, we finally agreed on setting the baby topic aside for the next 5 years. P.H.E.W. Since then we never talked about the baby issue anymore. As time goes by, he eventually agrees that having baby is a huge step and we both are not ready yet (I successfully hypnotized him).
Well, if you ask me the same question again before March 2011, I'll probably entertain you with the same answer too: noop, no baby in the next 5 years or so. But you know, life is just unpredictable, things changed after the Law family's epic lost--Chean's dad left us silently (and we are still dealing with our grief). It was too sudden, too soon. During our 26-hour flight home, Chean said something to me which I will never ever forget:
"Who is going to take care of you if death set us apart one day?" He spelled those words melancholy.
I burst into tears and cried unstoppably. I mean, he was going through such painful moment yet all he could think of is M.E. I don't think I can't find anyone who will love me more than this man in my whole entire life... So ya, couple months after the unfortunate incident, things started to settle in, the idea of having a baby ignited and sparkled. We want a baby. A dragon baby. Then the first action plan took place right on our wedding night *shy*
In less than a month...
#1 Did a pregnancy test myself & learned that I'm pregnant on Oct 4, 2011. The baby is made in Malaysia and unintentionally "exported" to the U.S. Never thought we are so lucky! Some couples try for years, yet we strike the jackpot right away!
#2 Followed by a hCG blood test at the OB doctor office the next day.
#3 Went for the second blood test in the next 48 hours to monitor the hCG level.
#4 Chean said I suddenly appear to be 充满爱心 (super caring), ya, the joy is written all over my face. Bleh.
I do not experience any morning sickness surprisingly but the first trimester was a little rough still, I was spotting a little, few drops of blood here and there, on & off. Other than the blood tests, My OB performed 3 transvaginal ultrasounds during week 5 - 8 to make sure everything's on the right track. It's not that I'm having any complication or high-risk pregnancy, it's my first baby, I kinda freak out at every little thing, so the test results, the ultrasounds and hearing my BB heartbeats are the best reassurance.
#5 My first OB visit at week 8 ^___^V
Before this, I've interviewed a mid-wife and switched 3 female OB docs @.@ Thank god I eventually found a real awesome male OB doc in Denver (an hour drive from our home). Getting the right OB doc is a painful, frustrating & complicated process (due to the U.S. insurance policy & medical system). Sigh, tell you more about the details next time.
#6 OB visit at week 12. Bare face and usually sleepwalking too, no makeup needed for early morning doc appointment so that I can get back to sleep right away as soon as I reach home.
#7 Week 16. No one knows that I'm pregnant yet. My mum was pretty nervous, she can't see my baby bump at all while we were skyping.
#8 Week 20. The baby bump is getting obvious, day by day.
#9 Week 24. Here you go, the burgeoning belly!
Another 16 weeks/4 months to go, and I'm eagerly counting down the days!!! BB & I have been doing great, she's staying warm & cozy inside me and practicing her self-invented martial art everyday @.@
Will definitely share more about this amazing motherhood journey with you all ❤❤
#10 My FB wall was permeated by tremendous lovessss & supportssss the minute after I announced the pregnancy news!
Chean always says no one actually reads my blog and he even challenged me with a 300 likes on that single update in 24 hours. I refused to and said 100 likes is more doable, he then called me timid.
#11 But guess what, I won!!! 303 likes in less than 24 hours, and that update accumulates 341 likes today with a total of 129 comments.
Sooooo touching! You all are too kind, I don't know what I did to deserve your love & kindness, feel so blessed (T_____T)
#12 You all also hit my blog brutally that day, thank you *sob*
I read all the comments, every single of them, but it's a little difficult for me to reply everyone on FB, thus I wish to respond to some of the comments here:
#13 Thank you, Annie! We plan for a dragon baby but I didn't expect this to happen so fast either; we are counting our blessings. Wishing you endless joy & happiness too :D
#14 Thanks a lot! Ya, you really follow through all my updates! Love you~~
#15 Haha! Your comment always put a smile on my face. Maybe my sudden food cravings are too obvious, you think?
#16 Aww... *hugs & kisses* And I replied you on your FB wall, I just have to. Thanks for the sweet words again.
#17 It was the wind, seriously. The satin green dress hides my belly effortlessly. Ok, maybe I'm still in such denial, the extra KGs really cannot hide. Hehe...
#18 Y.A.Y! Water dragon ❤❤
#19 Ahhh... Sorry to keep you waiting Bell! Get some beauty sleep, my blog can wait. Love ya!!!
#20 Thank you so much, my old friend. Ermm... Because it's Beverly's Secret (Ok, it's very lame I know). Nah, my hubby & I just wanna make sure everything's stable before announcing it.
#21 Thank you, Connie doc-to-be! And thanks for your advice on the vitamin supplements too! I start taking prescription prenatal vitamins & organic calcium tablets since week 5. But ya, docs here have very different practice & paradigm from Malaysian docs.
Alright, this post is getting too wordy, I'll stop here and continue the baby talk next time. Thanks again for everything, I realized that many of you have been following BS for years, you all have seen me go through all stages of life, from the 4-year long distance relationship to the reunion, from Malaysia to United States, from a playful soul to somebody's wife, and now, a mom-to-be.
Life is such a wonderful journey and I'm thrilled to meet each of you all along the way.
Best wishes,
Bev
"Dear, you never know love until you have a baby." -- Choy Ling
"Bev, your time will come. Trust me." -- Marsha Campbell (Gosh, she's dang right!)
"Love is not just about loving yourself, but your family too." -- Anonymous (I think one of my besties said this, but I still don't see any correlation between having a baby = how much you love the family. You don't give birth simply because your mum or mother-in-law wants you to, do you?)
"Giving birth seems scary in the beginning but it's all worth while when you see the baby peacefully sleeping in your arms" -- Too many have said this to me; too many names to quote.
"I think it's because you don't love me enough to have a baby with me." -- Depressed Chean Wei Law (Aww... It's not that *sayang*)
"You can always adopt one. Many children need help and for almost every problem there are multiple solutions." -- Oliver Mun (My lovely sister's rational thoughts wowed me sometimes.)
I know they love me and they were trying to make me understand their point of views, but somehow, I just shut my ears, lock my heart and stick to my own decision. Come on, I was just 22.
My mum? She's super chilled, maybe because she knows me too well, she knows that no one can talk me into something if I myself do not want it at all. But Chean & his families were real upset about this, and then there were the endless nights and countless arguments between us. Serious fights. Cold wars. Hurtful words. Up to a point where we both get tired of the vicious cycle of this meaningless discussion, we finally agreed on setting the baby topic aside for the next 5 years. P.H.E.W. Since then we never talked about the baby issue anymore. As time goes by, he eventually agrees that having baby is a huge step and we both are not ready yet (I successfully hypnotized him).
Well, if you ask me the same question again before March 2011, I'll probably entertain you with the same answer too: noop, no baby in the next 5 years or so. But you know, life is just unpredictable, things changed after the Law family's epic lost--Chean's dad left us silently (and we are still dealing with our grief). It was too sudden, too soon. During our 26-hour flight home, Chean said something to me which I will never ever forget:
"Who is going to take care of you if death set us apart one day?" He spelled those words melancholy.
I burst into tears and cried unstoppably. I mean, he was going through such painful moment yet all he could think of is M.E. I don't think I can't find anyone who will love me more than this man in my whole entire life... So ya, couple months after the unfortunate incident, things started to settle in, the idea of having a baby ignited and sparkled. We want a baby. A dragon baby. Then the first action plan took place right on our wedding night *shy*
In less than a month...
#1 Did a pregnancy test myself & learned that I'm pregnant on Oct 4, 2011. The baby is made in Malaysia and unintentionally "exported" to the U.S. Never thought we are so lucky! Some couples try for years, yet we strike the jackpot right away!
#2 Followed by a hCG blood test at the OB doctor office the next day.
#3 Went for the second blood test in the next 48 hours to monitor the hCG level.
#4 Chean said I suddenly appear to be 充满爱心 (super caring), ya, the joy is written all over my face. Bleh.
I do not experience any morning sickness surprisingly but the first trimester was a little rough still, I was spotting a little, few drops of blood here and there, on & off. Other than the blood tests, My OB performed 3 transvaginal ultrasounds during week 5 - 8 to make sure everything's on the right track. It's not that I'm having any complication or high-risk pregnancy, it's my first baby, I kinda freak out at every little thing, so the test results, the ultrasounds and hearing my BB heartbeats are the best reassurance.
#5 My first OB visit at week 8 ^___^V
Before this, I've interviewed a mid-wife and switched 3 female OB docs @.@ Thank god I eventually found a real awesome male OB doc in Denver (an hour drive from our home). Getting the right OB doc is a painful, frustrating & complicated process (due to the U.S. insurance policy & medical system). Sigh, tell you more about the details next time.
#6 OB visit at week 12. Bare face and usually sleepwalking too, no makeup needed for early morning doc appointment so that I can get back to sleep right away as soon as I reach home.
#7 Week 16. No one knows that I'm pregnant yet. My mum was pretty nervous, she can't see my baby bump at all while we were skyping.
#8 Week 20. The baby bump is getting obvious, day by day.
#9 Week 24. Here you go, the burgeoning belly!
Another 16 weeks/4 months to go, and I'm eagerly counting down the days!!! BB & I have been doing great, she's staying warm & cozy inside me and practicing her self-invented martial art everyday @.@
Will definitely share more about this amazing motherhood journey with you all ❤❤
******************I FEEL LOVE******************
#10 My FB wall was permeated by tremendous lovessss & supportssss the minute after I announced the pregnancy news!
Chean always says no one actually reads my blog and he even challenged me with a 300 likes on that single update in 24 hours. I refused to and said 100 likes is more doable, he then called me timid.
#11 But guess what, I won!!! 303 likes in less than 24 hours, and that update accumulates 341 likes today with a total of 129 comments.
Sooooo touching! You all are too kind, I don't know what I did to deserve your love & kindness, feel so blessed (T_____T)
#12 You all also hit my blog brutally that day, thank you *sob*
I read all the comments, every single of them, but it's a little difficult for me to reply everyone on FB, thus I wish to respond to some of the comments here:
#13 Thank you, Annie! We plan for a dragon baby but I didn't expect this to happen so fast either; we are counting our blessings. Wishing you endless joy & happiness too :D
#14 Thanks a lot! Ya, you really follow through all my updates! Love you~~
#15 Haha! Your comment always put a smile on my face. Maybe my sudden food cravings are too obvious, you think?
#16 Aww... *hugs & kisses* And I replied you on your FB wall, I just have to. Thanks for the sweet words again.
#17 It was the wind, seriously. The satin green dress hides my belly effortlessly. Ok, maybe I'm still in such denial, the extra KGs really cannot hide. Hehe...
#18 Y.A.Y! Water dragon ❤❤
#19 Ahhh... Sorry to keep you waiting Bell! Get some beauty sleep, my blog can wait. Love ya!!!
#20 Thank you so much, my old friend. Ermm... Because it's Beverly's Secret (Ok, it's very lame I know). Nah, my hubby & I just wanna make sure everything's stable before announcing it.
#21 Thank you, Connie doc-to-be! And thanks for your advice on the vitamin supplements too! I start taking prescription prenatal vitamins & organic calcium tablets since week 5. But ya, docs here have very different practice & paradigm from Malaysian docs.
****************THANK YOU ALL****************
Alright, this post is getting too wordy, I'll stop here and continue the baby talk next time. Thanks again for everything, I realized that many of you have been following BS for years, you all have seen me go through all stages of life, from the 4-year long distance relationship to the reunion, from Malaysia to United States, from a playful soul to somebody's wife, and now, a mom-to-be.
Life is such a wonderful journey and I'm thrilled to meet each of you all along the way.
Best wishes,
Bev